The Soloist- Chapters 23-31

Jennifer Tabasco 11-2
English III
Mr. Fiorini
May 22, 2009

The Soloist- Chapters 23-31

If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music. ~Gustav Mahler
Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. ~Maya Angelou, Gather Together in My Name

The Soloist: A Lost Dream, An Unlikely Friendship, and The Redemptive Power of Music. This title is given to one of my all-time favorite novels that I have read this year as a Junior in high school. After finishing and completing the read for The Soloist, I have come to believe that anything is possible if you really place your mind into it. Chapters 23-31 of The Soloist were really inspirational for me to read because Steve Lopez completely poured out his heart and soul when he talked about how much of a powerful effect Nathaniel had taken over him. There are so many hopeful and insightful passages that Lopez wrote about, especially in these last eight chapters. I admire Steve Lopez for opening himself up through his writings about the man with schizophrenia who lugged his shopping cart everywhere around Skid Row and who was completely infatuated with classical music, particularly Ludwig van Beethoven's symphonies.

First off, particularly in these last eight chapters, there are just amazing passages that Lopez writes about either pertaining to Mr. Ayers or to himself. For example, in Chapter 23, Steve Lopez takes Nathaniel to his home to celebrate the Easter holiday. "It's hard not to feel a touch of guilt. Look at what I have here in this enclave of million-dollar homes...But for all his longing about a family of his own, and despite what might have been, Nathaniel seems free of self-pity for now." (223). This specific quote caught my full attention when I first read it because I realized then that Nathaniel didn't need any valuables or particular people to make him happy. Nathaniel's the happiest when he's in his tunnel playing his cello or violin for as long as his arms allow him to. I think that Steve Lopez felt guilty after taking Nathaniel to his house because from my perspective, it seemed as if Lopez was showing off his house and putting on a show for Nathaniel. It was almost as if the house itself was bragging to Nathaniel when he walked inside the door because compare Nathaniel, a homeless man with schizophrenia with raggedy clothing and messy hair to a suburban California house, humongous in size and well kept for the most of the time. I understand both Nathaniel's and Steve's perspective on this small issue, but I think that I have to side with Nathaniel on this because I wouldn't care about someone's house if it was showing itself off to me. Just being able to do the things that I want to do every day when I wake up in Skid Row is worth everything possible.

Next, in Chapter 28, Steve is trying to re-live his normal life again after Nathaniel completely goes insane by screaming his head off the previous day. "I experienced the simple joy of investing in someone's life, and the many frustrations have made the experience all the more rewarding and meaningful." (261-262). After experiencing Nathaniel's blowup the previous day, I think that Steve needed that from Nathaniel in order for him to wake up from his own fantasy world because Steve was constantly trying day in and day out to help Nathaniel out, but he didn't know the proper way to really help out Nathaniel. This outlash by Nathaniel really allowed Steve to see the reality of all of it, which was that Nathaniel didn't need so much help from Steve. Ever hear of doing too much for somebody or helping out more than was necessary? Well, sometimes, people do this because they just don't understand how to fully help this other person. I believe that Steve was helping Nathaniel a little too much, and Nathaniel wanted him to back off because he knew how he wanted to live his life, and no one else was going to tell him how he was going to live his life. I think that after this blowup, Steve allowed himself to back off of Nathaniel, and he finally understood the other side of Nathaniel. This meant so much to him because Steve could now appreciate the experiences that already happened and the experiences that were yet to come.

"Hong admires and even envies Mr. Ayer's relationship with music. For Hong, music is joy but it's also work, and there is no easy way to separate the one from the other." (281). From Chapter 31, this quote made by Steve Lopez instantly captured my full attention because he's saying that one of the Los Angeles Philharmonics envies Mr. Ayers. This idea is just mind-boggling to me for some reason because usually, I would logically think that Mr. Ayers would envy Ben Hong because of where he currently is in his musical career. But, for the famous Ben Hong to envy Mr. Nathaniel Ayers, is just very interesting to me because Ben Hong thinks of his musical playing as work, and Nathaniel thinks of his musical playing as pure entertainment. Pure entertainment is work in a lot of ways, or vice versa. To create music for other people to enjoy is work that should be repeated each day. If you only work because you have to do the job, then you shouldn't be working at that certain occupation. You should be working because that's what you love to do each and every day, not because you're obliged to.

The two previous quotes that I used for my final post for The Soloist made me instantly think of Mr. Nathaniel Anthony Ayers. The first quote by Gustav Mahler placed me back to the first couple of weeks where Steve and Nathaniel began their journey together. Steve didn't understand how Nathaniel's music allowed him to express his mind more fully more than when Nathaniel speaks at his own level. Steve wanted Nathaniel to talk to him about everything going on in his life, and Nathaniel did speak his life to him just through his musical playing. However, Steve couldn't decode and translate Nathaniel's musical playing into his life-changing experiences. This defect caused Nathaniel to become frustrated with himself and Steve because he felt that he wasn't fully getting through to Steve on how he felt during his previous life. The second quote from Maya Angelou's Gather Together in My Name also made me think of Nathaniel Ayers because whenever Nathaniel didn't want to talk, he would talk through his musical playing. Music saved Nathaniel from going into many deep depressions and frequent outlashes, and I think that he thanked the wonders of music for allowing to bring himself out more and for opening himself up to a Los Angeles columnist. Nathaniel could express himself anyway that he wanted to because that's who Nathaniel was. Independence was one of the qualities that really stuck with Nathaniel throughout his whole journey because he never forgot who he really was. Nathaniel was such an inspiring character to read about, and I admire him for remaining true to himself throughout everything.

In conclusion, there are so many words that I could use to summarize how I felt after reading The Soloist. Hopeful, Powerful, Fallbacks, Life-changing, Frienship, Humble, Your Deepest Desires. These are just some of the words that come to my mind when I look back on my completion of The Soloist. Steve Lopez- A Los Angeles columnist searching for a purpose to all of his stories. Nathaniel Anthony Ayers- What an inspiring and powerful man. I almost forgot that these two men were actually living because they both seemed to be so surreal. What does it mean to be A Soloist? Does it mean to let other people into your life only when necessary? Does it mean to do everything on your own because you figured out all of the answers to all of life's questions? From my perspective, a soloist means that you should do everything on your own for you. A soloist has the drive and determination to do anything that they can put their mind to, and they can constantly raise the bar because of how high their expectations are for themselves. A soloist doesn't care about their outward appearance towards others; they only care about their inward appearance to possibly make a difference in someone's life each day. Finally, a soloist is someone who might be willing to change if someone else can change themselves before the soloist can rightfully change. This is how I felt after reading the last chapter. I believe that in order for Nathaniel to change himself by where he lives and how he looks, Steve Lopez needed to look in the mirror and see the man before him who also has to change. Steve needed to change because he had to let go of the constant supporting system that he was placing into Nathaniel's life, and he had to release that worry by backing off for a bit. By doing this, Nathaniel was willing to change himself because he saw Steve's transformation of how he wasn't always there to hold Nathaniel's hand. Steve realized that it's okay to let go of someone we care about because he had the faith and belief that Nathaniel was going to be okay after all. To close my reading of The Soloist, there were many ups-and-downs between Steve and Nathaniel, but all of the experiences were definitely worth it. Without Steve, Nathaniel would still be living out on the streets in Skid Row, and without Nathaniel, Steve would be writing stories about hardcore news occurring around the world. They both relied on each other, and I'm very glad that I finished my reading of The Soloist with a content and satisfied feeling.

For This Post:

-I need to know if I had enough ideas and if those ideas were clearly expressed.

- I need to know if there were any opinions that you disagreed with.

-Any grammatical errors or sentence structure errors that have to be pointed out in my post?

The Soloist- Chapters 13-22

Jennifer Tabasco 11-2
English III
Mr. Fiorini
May 15, 2009

Chapters 13-22 of The Soloist

"I look into his eyes and see the man he's always been behind the racing, spinning madness. The son who lost a father. The musician who lost a chance. No, we don't hold too many so-called normal conversations. But what's normal?" (212).

Halfway through the completion of The Soloist, I have read and visualized in my mind how Nathaniel Ayers and Steve Lopez's relationship has come to be. For the most part, I see some of the same actions repeatedly occuring each time a new chapter begins. Steve Lopez is constantly and consistently wanting Nathaniel to move off the street and into one of the Lamp apartments where he knows that he will be in safe care throughout the entire day. Nathaniel is constantly and consistently resisting Lopez's consideration because in his mind, he feels the necessity that in order to express himself, he has to show it through music but inside his own tunnel. It seems to me that everytime Steve Lopez keeps bringing up the idea of Nathaniel moving into an apartment, Nathaniel loses his mind because: 1) He has no control of the apartment place even if he wanted to live there, 2) Nathaniel is extremely stubborn when it comes to thinking things clearly through, and 3) He views his homeless lifestyle as being proper and right because wherever the music takes him, he will follow the music. So far, throughout Chapters Thirteen to Twenty-two, there have been occasions of personal reflections made by Steve Lopez on Nathaniel's well-being and how he will learn to deal with Nathaniel's random outbursts. From my perspective, I see these reflections as being well-written poems that are just longer in length because these reflections give insight and the chance to experience the emotional mindset of Steve Lopez through his questioning and through his personal statements.

In Chapter 13, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa of Los Angeles contacts Steve Lopez and informs him about possibly walking down to Skid Row to see the destruction of the district. However, Steve politely declines because of the mayor's celebrity status, and Steve doesn't want all of that media attention for all the wrong reasons. Lopez says that,"The mayor can't help but want to save the world." (130). Well, if Mayor Villaraigosa can't help but want to save the world, how come he hasn't attempted or at least made an effort to save the homeless society of Skid Row out in California? Isn't that duty apart of being mayor: to rescue and maintain the society that one reigns over? In addition to this, this particular mayor probably could get by without doing anything beneficial to support Skid Row because of his celebrity status. Now, Steve Lopez doesn't inform the reader on how and why Mayor Villaraigosa has this celebrity stamina. This is a very interesting idea because I think that Lopez allows one to infer or make predictions about why you think this mayor has this potential to be a so-called "superstar." Mayor Villaraigosa also stated that he's adding Skid Row to his "fix-it" list. A fix-it list?! There shouldn't have to be a list for things to be fixed upon. As mayor, this person should know what all of the central issues are, and your occupation is to come up with lots of possible solutions in order to resolve these issues as soon as possible. In addition to this, by the end of this book, I would like to see at least some form of government that is supporting and financing anything dealing with the homeless society in Los Angeles.

"Is he happy?" (137). I think that I could be able to answer this question posed by Steve Lopez in Chapter 14. To a certain point, yes, Nathaniel Ayers is content when he's doing his most favorite and loved hobby in the world, which is playing classical music on the cello and violin. But, as soon as Steve Lopez rambles on again about how much it would mean to him if Nathaniel just moved into room B-116, Nathaniel becomes a totally different person. This question has been bothering Steve Lopez ever since he met Nathaniel Ayers in that special tunnel four years ago. What does it mean for Lopez to finally realize that maybe Nathaniel is happy with his life? I think that if Steve Lopez wants to change Nathaniel's life, he's going to have to change his own life before anything else dramatic happens. If Nathaniel wants to play music at the tunnel where he is the most satisfied, then Steve should allow him to remain there instead of bringing him into an environment where he's not comfortable at all. People shouldn't force other people to do things that they don't really want to. On the other hand, this is Nathaniel's life I'm talking about here, and for this point, I believe that in certain circumstances, other people do have to stand up for someone if they're in real danger of losing their life every day because if they really care and love that person, they will do anything for them to just live their life. To just live their life also comes with the safe part. Steve doesn't want anything bad to happen to Nathaniel. He would be just crushed and devastated if that ever happened. That's his worst possible nightmare ever because of how emotionally connected Steve has become towards Nathaniel.

One final idea that I would like to discuss for Chapter's Thirteen through Twenty-One post is about how Chapters Sixteen through Seventeen talk about Nathaniel's younger years. I thought that talking about Nathaniel's childhood for these two chapters was really interesting because now, as a reader, I understand where Nathaniel is coming from and how he was brought up as a child, even though his childhood was told from Steve Lopez's perspective. "It's something appropriate, because you're kind of a wandering bird." (162). Spoken by Pete Snyder, this quote was extremely interesting because in some ways, I agree with his quote, but in other ways, I don't agree with it. I agree with this quote because Nathaniel spreads his wings out when he's playing his music, but when Steve persistenly keeps asking him about moving into the apartment, Nathaniel shuts down and becomes hidden beneath his own skin. Maybe, Nathaniel wants to be a bird, free to express himself through his music, and maybe, with his music, he can overcome this mental illness and win the hearts of millions of people around the world.

In conclusion, the quotes that I have written about in my post are the most fascinating quotes that I have read about. For the rest of the book, I really can't wait to see more of Steve and Nathaniel's relationship bloom, and I would really like to see Nathaniel open up more out of his mental shell. Yes, he has his own apartment now, but that was just the very beginning of becoming comfortable in an unknown place. To end this conclusion, I just hope by the end of the book, the book will end with a contentful feeling to it. Nathaniel is such an inspiring character to think about, and I hope that Steve Lopez brought that inspiration to the end of the book.


For This Post:
- I need to know if every idea was written clear for understanding.
- I need to know if there were any grammatical errors in my post.
- Any ideas that I could have expanded on or wrote less about?

The Soloist - Chapters 7-12

Jennifer Tabasco 11-2
English III
Mr. Fiorini
May 8, 2009

The Soloist-Chapters 7-12

In my reading for Chapters Seven through Twelve, I can see Steve Lopez and Nathaniel Ayer's relationship progressively blooming into something that might last a lifetime. In Chapter 7, I thought that it was extremely interesting how Steve Lopez wanted to spend the night with Nathaniel in the Toy District section of Los Angeles, California. Personally, I believe that the main reason as to why Steve wanted to spend the night with Nathaniel was for Steve to receive a fuller understanding of who Nathaniel is and how he decides to spend his nights alone. Steve Lopez wanted to take a walk around in Nathaniel's shoes in order to live a night of poverty and helplessness, and he wanted to see through his eyes what Nathaniel's life has become over the past years. It's almost inspiring to me how someone, like Steve Lopez, who actually has a journalist career and family, would be willing to become a member of the homeless society for just one night. In the same way, Nathaniel has his own career: the musical performance that he gives each and every day in the same tunnel just off Skid Row. However, this musical career doesn't really allow Nathaniel to make any valuable money, but he doesn't seem to care if he has no money. Just as long as he's able to create music for the joy of pure entertainment, Nathaniel is satisfied with his life and himself.

So far, my favorite Chapter of The Soloist is definitely Chapter 12. I really admire how thoughtful and sincere Lopez is towards Nathaniel when he's talking to him about going to the Walt Disney Hall to see the Los Angeles Philharmonics rehearsal. "Maybe not, but more important, a columnist does not tell a paranoid schizophrenic what to do. Even if I could change his mind, what might we be in for at Disney Hall?"(107). Nathaniel's resistance to go to Disney Hall is because he is very anxious and worried about what will happen to his most valuable possession, which is his shopping cart. I think that Nathaniel wants to hold on to his shopping cart because he can call this shopping cart his own, and it's a piece of himself that he doesn't want to ever let go of. After finally persuading and conflicting with Nathaniel, both of the two main characters go to the Walt Disney Hall and watch the L.A. Philharmonics rehearse. "Although I hear some of his more obvious mistakes, I also know Nathaniel's sound is the baring of his soul, and that when he closes his eyes, as he's doing now, it's as if he's come to a clearing in a forest and found relief under an open sky."(115). This quote really struck me as being extremely powerful because it's so descriptive of how emotionally passionate Nathaniel is when he's playing the cello. The simile described here almost makes the reader feel as if Steve Lope is talking about you, the reader who lives this breath-taking experience as soon as Nathaniel starts to play. Another quote from The Soloist's Chapter 12 that I also find fascinating is "Nathaniel lifts the instrument to the crease between shoulder and chin. Disney Hall is empty when he begins playing, although in Nathaniel's mind, Beethoven might still be lingering in the shadows."(119). This additional quote struck me as well because it's just so intriguing to me how Steve Lopez binds together the pure genius of Nathaniel's musical talents to the musical spirit of Ludwig van Beethoven.

One more important idea that I would like to point out about The Soloist is from Chapter 11 on p. 97. "Maybe there's a bit of guilt involved. I'm here in one of the most beautiful and inspiring places in the world, and he's in the most wretched. The difference between us is luck." For this particular quote, I would have to disagree with this "luck" idea because I believe that both of them are placed in different places because they both have different passions in life, which has caused them to live in different areas of California. It has absolutely nothing to do with luck, because what if all of a sudden, Nathaniel found a thousand dollars out on Skid Row one day, and he decided to go find an apartment better than Steve's house? In my opinion, that would be considered as luck. I really want to ask Steve Lopez about why he writes about luck, and I really would want to know if luck has anything to do with the rest of the book.

In conclusion, Chapters Seven through Twelve are just the beginning of a long road ahead between Nathaniel Ayers and Steve Lopez. For Chapters Thirteen through Twenty-two, I would really love to see what happens between Steve and Nathaniel, and will Nathaniel ever decide to move into the Lamp program? I can almost see Nathaniel's character waiting to blossom out to the reader for Chapters Thirteen through Twelve. This book just gets better and better because of the way Steve Lopez designed the writing of the book. Maybe, in the future, Nathaniel and Steve can co-write a book together as viewed from Nathaniel's perspective on this musical journey. That would definitely capture my eye from the geico.


For My Chapters 7-12 Post:
Tell me if there are enough developed ideas that make sense at least.
Tell me if anything is unclear or not stated correctly and if there are any grammatical mistakes.
Tell me if there is any idea that should have been expanded on.

The Soloist - Chapters 1-6

Jennifer Tabasco 11-2
English III
Mr. Fiorini
May 1, 2009

The Soloist - Chapters 1-6

So far, I have developed an interest in The Soloist written by Steve Lopez. Lopez's writing for the first six chapters is mainly focused around how Steve Lopez, also the narrator, is managing to save Nathaniel Anthony Ayer's life as a homeless person living out in Los Angeles' Skid Row section of Southern California. Right now, I feel sympathetic towards Ayer because he basically has nothing valuable except in his life but his immense passion for playing the violin and the cello. As for Steve Lopez, I feel humble by how much he wants to rescue Nathaniel Ayer's crumbling life from the horrific ruins of homelessness and into a safe, loving environment where nothing horrible could possibly occur to him or to his precious musical instruments.
Before the homeless journey began, Nathaniel Anthony Ayer attended the prestigious Julliard School for beautifully perfecting the musical art of playing the violin and even the cello. For this reason, I believe that Nathaniel Anthony Ayers is truly a master at his craft, and whenever he begins to play his instruments, it’s almost as if the instrument and him emerge together to unite into one musical person or one musical object. This action merely fascinates Steve Lopez, and I believe that this is the real reason as to why Steve keeps coming back to visit Nathaniel. “I like it right here in the tunnels, where I can play all day and nobody’s going to bother me.” (30). Quoted from Nathaniel in Chapter 3, this one quote and many others really stuck out to me because this quote proves to the reader how independent Nathaniel wants to be from the rest of the real world. Nathaniel believes that in that tunnel, that is his own personal work place to do whatever his “musical” heart desires, which in this case, is to play classical music all day, every day. Nathaniel really wants to disconnect himself from the rest of the world because all he knows in life is that he has an immense passion for playing classical music wherever he may be. He feels the massive freedom to persistently keep playing his instruments because that’s the right kind of emotion that Nathaniel is feeling when he’s wrapped up in his own little world. Yes, Nathaniel does have schizophrenia, but that mental disorder obviously hasn’t stopped him from doing the thing that he loves the most in his lifetime.
Steve Lopez: this man just won’t stop asking or hoping that Nathaniel will come to the Lamp program. I mean, I understand that Nathaniel has schizophrenia and is living out on the streets with no kind of proper protection from thieves or murderers, but I believe that Steve should allow Nathaniel to do whatever he wants to do for himself and not for no body else. I believe that Nathaniel will come around some time to join the Lamp program, but I think that he just needs a little bit more time in order to fully trust Steve. Currently, Steve and Nathaniel’s relationship is very demanding. They both want things from each other, but both of them aren’t willing to sacrifice to meet those demands for each other. Steve wants Nathaniel to come join the Lamp program to receive support, and Nathaniel just wants Steve to enjoy his life with music to accompany it. In the schizophrenic mind, the mentality is cluttered, and I think that Steve has to really help organize Nathaniel’s mind or unless Nathaniel will never join the Lamp program.
In conclusion, I believe that so far, this novel has touched me personally because of the immense sympathy that I have for Nathaniel’s mental disease, and it has made me think of ways that I never thought I would think of. I’m curious as to what’s going to happen with Steve and Nathaniel’s relationship. Will they ever see eye to eye with the touchy issue of joining the Lamp program? To summarize this up, I admire Nathaniel for standing up for whom he is and who he wants to be, a passionate musician. I enjoy reading Steve Lopez’s description of how he feels when Nathaniel begins to play his instruments. It’s almost as if Nathaniel emerges both the reader and Steve Lopez into the instrument’s musical sound, and Nathaniel’s speaking his mind through the instrument about Steve Lopez or anything. In addition to this, I hope that Steve will learn to let Nathaniel do his own thing because that’s Nathaniel’s character.

** For The Soloist Post: **
- Do I have enough developed ideas that make logical sense to the reader?
- Is my grammar and sentence structure correct?
- What do you mislike about my post?