The Soloist- Chapters 23-31

Jennifer Tabasco 11-2
English III
Mr. Fiorini
May 22, 2009

The Soloist- Chapters 23-31

If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music. ~Gustav Mahler
Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. ~Maya Angelou, Gather Together in My Name

The Soloist: A Lost Dream, An Unlikely Friendship, and The Redemptive Power of Music. This title is given to one of my all-time favorite novels that I have read this year as a Junior in high school. After finishing and completing the read for The Soloist, I have come to believe that anything is possible if you really place your mind into it. Chapters 23-31 of The Soloist were really inspirational for me to read because Steve Lopez completely poured out his heart and soul when he talked about how much of a powerful effect Nathaniel had taken over him. There are so many hopeful and insightful passages that Lopez wrote about, especially in these last eight chapters. I admire Steve Lopez for opening himself up through his writings about the man with schizophrenia who lugged his shopping cart everywhere around Skid Row and who was completely infatuated with classical music, particularly Ludwig van Beethoven's symphonies.

First off, particularly in these last eight chapters, there are just amazing passages that Lopez writes about either pertaining to Mr. Ayers or to himself. For example, in Chapter 23, Steve Lopez takes Nathaniel to his home to celebrate the Easter holiday. "It's hard not to feel a touch of guilt. Look at what I have here in this enclave of million-dollar homes...But for all his longing about a family of his own, and despite what might have been, Nathaniel seems free of self-pity for now." (223). This specific quote caught my full attention when I first read it because I realized then that Nathaniel didn't need any valuables or particular people to make him happy. Nathaniel's the happiest when he's in his tunnel playing his cello or violin for as long as his arms allow him to. I think that Steve Lopez felt guilty after taking Nathaniel to his house because from my perspective, it seemed as if Lopez was showing off his house and putting on a show for Nathaniel. It was almost as if the house itself was bragging to Nathaniel when he walked inside the door because compare Nathaniel, a homeless man with schizophrenia with raggedy clothing and messy hair to a suburban California house, humongous in size and well kept for the most of the time. I understand both Nathaniel's and Steve's perspective on this small issue, but I think that I have to side with Nathaniel on this because I wouldn't care about someone's house if it was showing itself off to me. Just being able to do the things that I want to do every day when I wake up in Skid Row is worth everything possible.

Next, in Chapter 28, Steve is trying to re-live his normal life again after Nathaniel completely goes insane by screaming his head off the previous day. "I experienced the simple joy of investing in someone's life, and the many frustrations have made the experience all the more rewarding and meaningful." (261-262). After experiencing Nathaniel's blowup the previous day, I think that Steve needed that from Nathaniel in order for him to wake up from his own fantasy world because Steve was constantly trying day in and day out to help Nathaniel out, but he didn't know the proper way to really help out Nathaniel. This outlash by Nathaniel really allowed Steve to see the reality of all of it, which was that Nathaniel didn't need so much help from Steve. Ever hear of doing too much for somebody or helping out more than was necessary? Well, sometimes, people do this because they just don't understand how to fully help this other person. I believe that Steve was helping Nathaniel a little too much, and Nathaniel wanted him to back off because he knew how he wanted to live his life, and no one else was going to tell him how he was going to live his life. I think that after this blowup, Steve allowed himself to back off of Nathaniel, and he finally understood the other side of Nathaniel. This meant so much to him because Steve could now appreciate the experiences that already happened and the experiences that were yet to come.

"Hong admires and even envies Mr. Ayer's relationship with music. For Hong, music is joy but it's also work, and there is no easy way to separate the one from the other." (281). From Chapter 31, this quote made by Steve Lopez instantly captured my full attention because he's saying that one of the Los Angeles Philharmonics envies Mr. Ayers. This idea is just mind-boggling to me for some reason because usually, I would logically think that Mr. Ayers would envy Ben Hong because of where he currently is in his musical career. But, for the famous Ben Hong to envy Mr. Nathaniel Ayers, is just very interesting to me because Ben Hong thinks of his musical playing as work, and Nathaniel thinks of his musical playing as pure entertainment. Pure entertainment is work in a lot of ways, or vice versa. To create music for other people to enjoy is work that should be repeated each day. If you only work because you have to do the job, then you shouldn't be working at that certain occupation. You should be working because that's what you love to do each and every day, not because you're obliged to.

The two previous quotes that I used for my final post for The Soloist made me instantly think of Mr. Nathaniel Anthony Ayers. The first quote by Gustav Mahler placed me back to the first couple of weeks where Steve and Nathaniel began their journey together. Steve didn't understand how Nathaniel's music allowed him to express his mind more fully more than when Nathaniel speaks at his own level. Steve wanted Nathaniel to talk to him about everything going on in his life, and Nathaniel did speak his life to him just through his musical playing. However, Steve couldn't decode and translate Nathaniel's musical playing into his life-changing experiences. This defect caused Nathaniel to become frustrated with himself and Steve because he felt that he wasn't fully getting through to Steve on how he felt during his previous life. The second quote from Maya Angelou's Gather Together in My Name also made me think of Nathaniel Ayers because whenever Nathaniel didn't want to talk, he would talk through his musical playing. Music saved Nathaniel from going into many deep depressions and frequent outlashes, and I think that he thanked the wonders of music for allowing to bring himself out more and for opening himself up to a Los Angeles columnist. Nathaniel could express himself anyway that he wanted to because that's who Nathaniel was. Independence was one of the qualities that really stuck with Nathaniel throughout his whole journey because he never forgot who he really was. Nathaniel was such an inspiring character to read about, and I admire him for remaining true to himself throughout everything.

In conclusion, there are so many words that I could use to summarize how I felt after reading The Soloist. Hopeful, Powerful, Fallbacks, Life-changing, Frienship, Humble, Your Deepest Desires. These are just some of the words that come to my mind when I look back on my completion of The Soloist. Steve Lopez- A Los Angeles columnist searching for a purpose to all of his stories. Nathaniel Anthony Ayers- What an inspiring and powerful man. I almost forgot that these two men were actually living because they both seemed to be so surreal. What does it mean to be A Soloist? Does it mean to let other people into your life only when necessary? Does it mean to do everything on your own because you figured out all of the answers to all of life's questions? From my perspective, a soloist means that you should do everything on your own for you. A soloist has the drive and determination to do anything that they can put their mind to, and they can constantly raise the bar because of how high their expectations are for themselves. A soloist doesn't care about their outward appearance towards others; they only care about their inward appearance to possibly make a difference in someone's life each day. Finally, a soloist is someone who might be willing to change if someone else can change themselves before the soloist can rightfully change. This is how I felt after reading the last chapter. I believe that in order for Nathaniel to change himself by where he lives and how he looks, Steve Lopez needed to look in the mirror and see the man before him who also has to change. Steve needed to change because he had to let go of the constant supporting system that he was placing into Nathaniel's life, and he had to release that worry by backing off for a bit. By doing this, Nathaniel was willing to change himself because he saw Steve's transformation of how he wasn't always there to hold Nathaniel's hand. Steve realized that it's okay to let go of someone we care about because he had the faith and belief that Nathaniel was going to be okay after all. To close my reading of The Soloist, there were many ups-and-downs between Steve and Nathaniel, but all of the experiences were definitely worth it. Without Steve, Nathaniel would still be living out on the streets in Skid Row, and without Nathaniel, Steve would be writing stories about hardcore news occurring around the world. They both relied on each other, and I'm very glad that I finished my reading of The Soloist with a content and satisfied feeling.

For This Post:

-I need to know if I had enough ideas and if those ideas were clearly expressed.

- I need to know if there were any opinions that you disagreed with.

-Any grammatical errors or sentence structure errors that have to be pointed out in my post?